Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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