Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
