I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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