You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
