No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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