Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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