wanna go halves on a baby?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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