did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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