life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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