Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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