she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
