my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In other news, I just burned my penis
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
