This is not my ceiling
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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