So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
