There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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