SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
