You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
