Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
