Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i've created a new STD.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
