i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
