she woke up with a sticky ear
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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