The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
