brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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