he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
