i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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