I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
