Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
