South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
