im drinking this country out of the recession.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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