The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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