i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
