Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
