My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
