FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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