I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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