I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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