I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
