last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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