I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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