I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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