Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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