Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
