Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
