My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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