I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
