I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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