I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
