Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
