you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
