This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize