Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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