Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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