ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
