This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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