dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize