if you like me you must not know who I am
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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