i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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