don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
