Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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