just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need water and some morals
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
