I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's Friday. Sex?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
