Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
