am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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