Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
